hold on to my beliefs now..

so, i ended up begging my sweet friends damien and tyler for a lift to olive lounge on thursday night. so i could drink. 'for research'.

the night was spent trying to pick up boys unsuccesfully. but i did manage to attract yet another stalker, who requested me on facebook, and i was too polite (and hungover) to ignore his request.

so, the fuck buddy was there, chatting up another girl. it didnt help my self-esteem that she was gorgeous. although, she did have buck teeth, but he didnt seem to mind. therefore, i am sure that i am no longer his fuck buddy.

i was hanging out with my wonderful new (and gay) friend darren, when a boy just came up to us. assumed that he was darren dear's friend, so i was polite. he ended up trying to impress me with his pick-up lines and the fact that he owns a jeep, and even invited me to come to the parking lot and see it. i sent my kieron instead, as i highly doubt he minds being raped by a jeep-driving, pick-up-line-spitting 18-year-old.

i caught up with kieron, who always manages to amuse. for example, he managed to break up a marriage the previous night. and i thought i had issues.

last night, gavin and i were going to go watch WATCHMEN, but we decided to go to O'Hagan's for a few beers first, and never left. While we were making out way towards an empty table, some really dodgy girl, named Star (I kid you not) tried to pick up my gavi, but saying that she knows him from somewhere. she had to of course be polite to me too, so she said she knows me from somewhere too. i genuinly believed her, until it dawned on me that she said she probably knows us from Doors, just because we look like we hang out there. Meanwhile, we both barely go there anymore. the sneaky little ginger even managed to get our numbers, although im suspecting she was trying to be poite again by taking mine. it was gavin's beef that she really wanted, which made me insanely jealous.

STAR: so, im going alone tomorrow night, please tell me you guys will definitely be there
ME: we will definitely be there
GAVIN: (silent)
STAR: cos i like boys with long blonde hair, kurt cobain style. (looks over at gavin) although a dark haired replacement would do.
GAVIN: (chokes on his beer)

i politely told star that we werent being rude, but we wanted to talk in private, so we were going to go sit in the corner. she didnt seem to get the hint, thankfully she left 30 minutes later.

gavi and i were finally alone with our beers, when, randomly, out of the blue, a huge ass devil moth went for my cleavage. i was flapping my arms about like a retarded bird, and finally managed to get it out. that was truley traumatic for me. but no, not for gavin, who almost died laughing.

just when i thought the night couldnt get more amusing, the cover band played I KISSED A GIRL. the lead singer was a guy.

enough said.

feeling like a freak on a leash..

in bulgaria we have a saying - from 2 chairs to the floor. you cannot sit on two chairs. my mother always tells me that when im seeing two guys simultaneously. well, it seems that after tuesday night's fiasco, another one bites the dust.

i am now on the floor from my 2 high bar stools.

mr bipolar smsed me yesterday apologising. i didnt reply. he is sick and off work. might have something to do with all the loogies i couged up in his beer. i can only hope.

so, there was another boy, mr desperate. i slept at his place the other night. he was acting like we were married and even said he loved me at one stage (i really wasnt drunk enough to have imagined that). to make matters worse, i forgot my jewelery there, and he has been wearing my very feminine cherry necklace to work. suuuureee, thats not freaky at all. never the less, i totally wanted to get to know him and hang out, etc. so, today i get up at my usual 11.30, and my facebook was fucked, then i gave up and went to do banking. then i get home and my fb works and he has messaged me saying that he knew id ditch him blah blah and teasing me with 'im getting your big bang theory this weekend'. i casually mentioned last night that im trying to download it, and he offered to get it for me. i was not fucking using him. anyways, i said, sorry my fb has been fucked all day, look at my news feed to see i havent spoken to anyone else today if you dont believe me. then he went off at me about me telling him about mr biplar yesterday (i was merely trying to make him laugh at my misfortune) and blah blah. i said, woah boy, we are not dating, so whats the problem?

i thought he was a sweet boy, albeit a little stalkerish. however, he too has proven me wrong. he is 28 and is acting 16. i am not his girlfriend, nor have i ever said that i will be, andhes acting like my mom when she forgets to take her menopause pills.

anyways. i went banking today, like i mentioned, and i had cash on me, so i bought HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and MUSHY PEAS ON TOAST. i am reading a blog now. i also got perfume and eyeliner and shit. so i have caked on makeup, dressed like a desperate single girl looking for a good time (which is what i am) and am off to olive tonight for some (sober) partying. dammit, why do i have to drive everywhere?

second chances, they dont ever matter, people never change..

so, as much as i love miss peas, she has nothing on me, in terms of adventures. and misadventures.

which is what this post is about.

mr bipolar (you will understand later) and i liked eachother in school. he moved away and we started partying again this year. he broke up with his adorable ex 2 weeks ago, and they dated for 2 weeks. then we started hanging out more and scoring, etc. then, yesterday he tells me he is falling for me. so, last night, we were going to doors, and i was sleeping over.

we get there and he ignores me. then his adorable ex comes, and he is all over her, chatting and laughing, etc. just yesterday he said he was over her (it was 2 weeks, for christs sake!) but no, bipolar decided he isnt. they go talk outside, while i sit with my friend, fucking humiliated to no ends. so what is a girl to do? i spit in his beer. hell hath no fury and what not. the highlight of my crappy night came when he said 'hmmm, this beer tastes funny'. he drank it never the less. i drove home.

fucking loser.

i dont even miss you at all..

anyways, who cares about my stupid ex? hes a loser, always has been and always will be.

in may i am doing this:
http://za.contiki.com/tours/1-best-of-usa

kiss the ring, motherfucker, its my time to shine..

ok this is gonna be a long post. its my blog, and i have a lot to get off my already big chest:

so, i brokeup with my fiancee saturday before last.. here is the story:

we met, fell inlove and got engaged. of course, i never even saw a ring? and why should i? at 25, he has no proper job (he is a WAITER, which wont be so bad if he was 17), he doesnt have a car (well, he does, but it took him 10 months to fix it, as per my nagging, and it always breaks down. he cant afford a more stable one), and he has no education (dropped out after second year).

me being stupid and naive, i thought everything will work itself out. ha! i nagged him to study this year, its so cheap to study through unisa, for God's sake! guess what? HE MISSED THE ENROLLMENT DATE. i kid you not. he knew the date for 2 months prior, yet he was too busy drinking and partying to get his act together.

his place is a pigsty, like iv never seen before. theres never any toilet paper, and there are dirty clothes everywhere. its so disgusting, how he could bring his fiancee there. everytime we bought food, id be too disgusted to eat there..

his mother ditched him when he was 8, so his father looked after him. now, he blames his dad for everything. its so lame. meanwhile, his mother has never helped him at all, and trust me, she lives comfortably.

anyways, the big bang finally happened when he took ecstacy at a party and ditched me to talk to his friends crazy girlfriend all night. fuuuunnn. everyone there was high as a kite, it was SO LAME, i felt like i was at a high school party.

so, this is the story. how could i NOT leave him?

and without ever letting go i know you'd gone astray..

so, a lot has happened..

i walked away from the love of my life.. its a very long story and its still a lil sore even if i pretend it isnt..

anyways.. who cares right?

in the face of change..

im just not that amped on life. been really unhappy lately, with everything..