its everything worth fighting for..

im sick of being miserable, so im taking life's lemons, making lemonade and selling it for profit..

im so busy with college stuff, but tonight im gonna go party for a bit..

this revolution will not be televised

so, its done - im not going on holiday.

i might as well go fucking die somewhere..

this captain goes down with his ship..

wow, i havent updated in a while! i didnt sleep much last week, handed in on friday and proceeded to attempt to have fun.. but i didnt.

thats all i have to say.

also, im really sick and tired of being messed around by boys. im over it.

your back is begging sweetly for my knives,..

its 1am, and yes, i am up and working again.. 2nd all nighter in a row and im getting fucking cranky..

these two photos are amazing:




.. i dont have courage..

the fall of ideals

saturday afternoons. cigarettes (too many, appearantly). organic coffee with soy milk. yummy vegan food. scarves. comfy shrink's couch. perverse convos. rubic cubes. windhoek beer. white square-toe shoes with spilt coffee on em. drunken horny girls. retarded left feet. dancing like spazzes. blowing kisses. tiaras. middle aged women gyrating. scouting for talent. 4am drives, talking about very very personal shit. and that, my lovelies was

waiting for the lifeless words to come from your mouth..

so, fun WAS had by all last night ;) we went to chris' and it was awesome.. i danced like a spaz as always.. my feet hurt by the end of the night.. then, at about 2am, ryan, candi and i went to red room, which is perhaps where i didnt have as much fun, but oh well.. i got home at 4am and slept like a log til 12..

iv been doing VEGA work, and then i went to dinner with vanja and movies (WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS) - granted, a romantic comedy was NOT what i need right now, it was hilarious.. now im back to working, pulling an all-nighter..

i have realised after this weekend, that although im trying really hard, i cannot, for the life of me, be a bitch.. iv been the nice, naive little girl that always gets used for 22 years, and its never gonna change.. and being a bitch would allow me to never get hurt..

alas, i will ALWAYS be one of the boys, i will always be the girl that the boys will tell about how they pine over the beautiful girls, even said beautiful girls are shallow bitches.. i feel like the girl in EURO TRIP - completly invisible as a girl, and always there for you when you have a problem with a girl..

shot through the heart, and you're to blame, darling, you give love a bad name

i think thursday night was proof not to mess with me and get on my bad side. EVER.. iv always said this and il say it again - im a nice person, but fuck me over and ur in for hell.. thanks to brynn and tal for the help ;)

i was beyond drunk on thursday.. the booze was cheap for me.. jana (a lecturer at vega) kept pouring tequila down everyone's throats.. yeah it was fun..

beer. ciggies. friends. VEGA kids. fucking exes. new scores. dal's car. drunkeness. revenge.

i was hanging like mad the whole of yesterday.. in fact, i think i wokeup still drunk. so i just chilled last night. today i visited a friend and his work and he made me the yummiest vegan food ever, im not sure how i would eat meat again.. tonight is chris' rubic party and fun will be had by all :)

being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up..

its so frustrating.. im looking for my pictures from bulgaria & athens from last year and i cant find them anywhere!!

todays presentation went well.. now, all i want to do is get phuza face with my friends tonight and take loads of pretty pictures..

jess, i still taste you, and thus reserve my right to hate you

my luck has gone from bad to worse this week.. nothing really to complain about, i just find it funny how certain shit always happens to me.. the title of this post came to me while i was driving home from college today.. i think its really applicable here..

this concept of love that people have is nothing but a farse!

in other news, i have to start my project which is due for review TOMORROW (*dies*)!! i have to have like 4 weeks worth of work.. riiiiiigggggttt..

i hate you, you love me, this story's getting old..

So here we are again
the same fork in the road
I hate you, you love me
This story is getting old
The days that I opened up
You shut me out for good
FORGIVE! FORGET! FUCK YOU!!
You are a liar and a whore!

So take what you want and leave
You'll never get another part of

I remember the day that I thought I would be free
I pour out my soul to you, expose everything
And I take it out
My heart is broke,
my head is lost in shame.
I did my best to drink you away

So take what you want and leave
You'll never get another part of

You are poison on men's lips
Long lived by the curves of your hips
Come here boy, stand by me
Look my way and have another drink
I should have got up
I should have got up and left you.

And I will never be your lover again
As far as I'm concerned we are not even friends!
This may not seem too saddle to you;
The point I'm trying to make is we are completely through.

-- MY FORK IN THE ROAD (YOUR KNIFE IN MY BACK) by ATREYU

not falling victim to the fire that burns inside of me..

woot woot! i found my creative mojo again the other day ;) i took out a book on punk from the library at college and it fucking inspired me!

thursday night, i stayed home and slept, friday i went to sushi with vanja and then we went to cool runnings with kyle, and i got verrryyyy drunk (a shot with tequila, absinth, stroh rum and tabasco).. i went to sleep in kyle's car, but it was too cold, so i was on my way inside again (to drink more, no doubt) and they came out and we went home.. yesterday we went clothes shopping and then to the neon birthday which was SO much fun!

im hungover as hell now..

this is nice:

if anyone asks, I will be hiding from you..

things are hitting rock bottom.. i am burnt out and losing my mind..

5 years ago, art was my passion.. now, i have come to detest it.. all my creative juice is drained, and im running on empty, trying to make it.. everything else in my life is going wrong, although i shouldnt blame anyone but myself..

i thought i was truly over it, but im not.. today proved it to me.. it still hurts so much, its still raw, theres not a scar there like there should be, theres a fucking gaping whole, and it bleeds anew every time i see/ think of you..

i think i just need to go home and recooperate.. will i survive waiting for 2 more months?

i just really cant be here right now, cant deal with this - WITH LIFE.. i really cant..

You’ve pierced my heart and left me to die I sit all alone and wonder why It’s hard to go on without a heart It was your razorblade words that tore it apart Scribbling down sentences to describe how I feel Nothing I write can feel this real The mirror reflects a pain that will never fade I’m trapped in a mess that I’ve made Duct taping broken pieces that fit into place Mascara running down my face At a frantic pace my fingers missed A lose piece fell and slit my wrist Just enough to see a peek of red The way this night ended I’d rather be dead
-- Sad Girl by ~AkikoWeasley

i draw this line and hope you'll take my side..

yes, at VEGA again.. doing research that i would otherwise not do at home..

i spent the whole of yesterday sleeping and it was glorious..

for some reason, i really couldnt give a shit.. and it feels good.. but now, i need some food cos im starving!!

i am so very home-sick.. iv never wanted to go home this badly.. i dont belong here, i hate this goddamn place.. i want to be far away.. 2 more months to go!!

mace yourself, blame someone else..

i am growing increasingly tired of VEGA.. i have been working on a damn essay for the past 3 days.. only finished it this morning, at 4am.. its on post-fordisum, as well as freudian theories. *dies*..

other than that, the week was spent going out with friends and lazing around; monday night was movies, tuesday night was DOORS with vanja and kyle, wednesday night was a movie with vanja, thursday was olive olive lounge and a drunk tina, friday was BACK 2 BASIX to watch bands, and saturday was RED ROOM for a few hours.. then last night, it was movies again.. and i still dont feel like i had a break.. does it ever end??